Devin Joseph Kjar. Hard worker, music creator, free spirit,

proud pet owner, son, big brother. These are just a few words

that come to mind when attempting to put into words all that

Devin Kjar is. Trying to get someone to see all the attributes

you see in them, within themselves, is a task. However, after

the life tale this individual has to tell, I think everyone can

agree on one word that he undisputedly is, strong.

 

Where to begin, where to begin?                               

                                                                                                                                                           Photo by Brooke Kjar

Growing up in a typical suburban neighborhood in Parker, Colorado, Devin says that he had, what he would describe as, “A basic perfect childhood.” He grew up with his mom, dad, and little sister (that’s me). Although there was never enough money laying around to go on fun family vacations, there was always enough to get by.

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From the outside looking in, it’s easy to think that an energetic young child has not a care in the world, but unfortunately this is not always true. Kjar first noticed changes in his mood and demeanor as early as 12 years old. These may not have been drastic changes, but for a young kid, any little change can cause confusion. Sports were a great way to get away from any stressful situation or mood change growing up. Kjar was involved in many sports like baseball and soccer, but he really found his love in ice hockey. This was his perfect escape to get away from any problem reality seemed to throw at him, or so it seemed.

 

High school

 

High school seemed to be the turning point In Kjar’s life when it comes to his struggle with mental health. When sports were no longer enough to keep his running mind at bay, Kjar first turned to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. It seemed that if something existed that would take the pain away, even temporarily, then it would be worth the risk -- no matter the cost. As if a head that was constantly drowning in uneasy thoughts would be easiest fixed with the help of drugs and alcohol.

 

When he realized it had been almost a full year, his entire junior year of high school, since he had spent even one day not under the influence of a substance, Kjar decided that something needed to be done. After a year filled with dreadful thoughts, not leaving bed, multiple court dates and surviving multiple attempts to end his life, something had to give. Thus, began his journey with the healthcare system.

 

“Money Making Mentality”

 

When his journey towards a better self began, Kjar started out with talk therapy and many visits to doctors and physicians to attempt and officially diagnose all the chaos that had been occurring in his head. It was when he was officially diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder as well as bipolar depression that pills were prescribed. These pills were taken tirelessly each and every day in an attempt to feel better. However, these pills, instead of making him feel better, made him feel nothing at all. Kjar decided to take his mental health journey back into his own hands and stopped taking the pills all at once because to him, “Someone officially telling you that you have something wrong with you ends up making the disorder seem that much more intense.”

 

When asked to describe healthcare system in the United States, in terms of mental health, in just a few words Kjar said that his words would be, “Money making mentality.”  After he quit taking his prescriptions, Kjar noticed that his anxiety and bipolar depression became worse than he ever could have imagined. The problem with making the decision to not take your medicine for a mental disorder is that it needs to be done slowly, not over the course of one day. If these drugs are halted right away, it can overwhelm the brain, throwing everything off balance all at once and result in the situation becoming much worse.

 

So…what happens now?

 

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                                                              Photo by Michele Lujan

Eventually, through continued talk therapy and family support, Kjar’s mental health finally seemed to be on the incline. However, sometimes life has plans in store that no one can foresee coming. In 2017 Kjar’s father Joseph suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. For an individual that struggles with mental illness, a sudden tragedy such as this can throw them into a downward spiral. Unfortunately for Kjar, this was the case. The sudden passing of his father caused him to fall back into his reliance on substances to numb out the pain. This eventually forced another visit to a doctor to re-diagnose him a second time in an attempt to get him help. The worst seemed to once again be put into reality when he was diagnosed with severe anxiety and bipolar depression -- once again. And so, the uphill process began again.

 

The end result for this process was no different than it was the first

time being as, now instead of feeling too much in his head, he felt

nothing. However, Kjar and his family were determined to make this

time different. With the help of talk therapy, doctors suggestions and

officially having the family dog Koda as his therapy pet, Kjar slowly

and steadily was able to stop taking the medication. This took an

extreme amount of mental strength, but he could finally show that it

was possible to take control of your own mental health without

relying on substances or medications. He had done it.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel

 

It has now been almost 3 years since the passing of his father, 6

months since he has taken a prescription pill, and 12 years since his

journey with mental health had begun. Devin is currently working a

steady job and has learned what it takes to become dependent on

himself financially and mentally. With the help of his therapy pet, talk

therapy and good friends and family he is able to finally say to himself as well as others that he is doing well. Doing well may seem like a small victory in the grand scheme of things, but what is life really besides a never-ending cycle of small victories that make it great?

 

The purpose of Devin sharing his story is to open up the conversation of mental health and turn it from a topic that is seemingly taboo into something that we can have a conversation about. In agreeing to do this project with me he wanted to make sure that anyone who came across it was left with this message, “Stay strong and allow yourself to feel loved. You should be allowed to love yourself and let others love you and enjoy your time on this planet. It all starts with a conversation. No matter how bad things get, if you believe in yourself enough you can pull yourself out of some incredibly bad situations. Allowing yourself to be happy is the hardest part but the hope that I want to give is that it is possible.”

 

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**If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health here are some amazing resources you can contact as well as Devin’s preferred method of contact (used with his permission) if anyone ever needs to reach out.**

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255                      

Mental Health America Hotline: Text MHA to 741741            

Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT to 741741                                   Email: Devin.kjar@gmail.com

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